Mammas for Victory

Mother's Milk Books, & A Project to Muse Over

2012-02-09T18:13:00.032Z

It is with pride that I announce that I have been asked to contribute to the latest project by Mother's Milk Books. I have written a poem surrounding the idea of 'remembering mothers' for an anthology of poems supporting breastfeeding which are being complied by Teika Bellamy, a breastfeeding counsellor and fellow writer based in the UK.

The project is titled 'Musings', and the money raised from sales of the anthology will go to supporting the breastfeeding charity, La Leche League GB. All breastfeeding mothers can understand some of the trials and tribulations surrounding breastfeeding in today's society, and therefore the valuable work that La Leche League do in supporting us through our efforts to do something that is both natural and hugely beneficial for our babies.

So thank you Teika for the opportunity to contribute to this excellent project. I will post details of its publication, and where to get yourself a copy, as soon as they become available.

I wonder if the book will be
as tasty as my foot?

BOOBS out for VEGed Out! A superb community cafe in Birmingham City Centre

2012-01-31T17:04:00.004Z

Since I moved back to my original hometown of Birmingham (though I must confess my heart still resides by the sea), I've been pleasantly surprised by some of the large but subtle changes that have taken place in this gloomy city over the last 10 years. Perhaps partially to do with the fact that the Vegan Society relocated here* in 2006, a number of veggie- and vegan-friend places have sprouted up in the Midlands. When I was growing up here, there was very little to convert me to animal-friendly living, although I was fiercely anti-cruelty even as a young child, and loved my cat Tigger very much.

Veged Out cafe, Fletchers Walk

*Funnily enough, The Vegan Society also moved here from besides the sea in St Leonards in Hastings- which is the precise location we relocated from!

My first foray into ethical ventures in Birmingham, then, led me to VEGed Out Community Cafe in Birmingham City Centre. The cafe is hidden away in Fletchers Walk and is less than 5 minutes from Central Library, which is handy as I love to take Arwyn to the children's section there. The cafe closes at 3pm on weekdays, but if you get there before 2pm you can have a hearty, home-cooked, tasty meal for the fantabulous price of only £4. The cakes and drinks are £1 each, and there is always a good range of vegan desserts and beverages available. I have frequented Veged Out cafe several times now since discovering it, so you really can take my word for it. The food is also sourced locally and fairtrade where possible.

As the cafe is run as a co-op, the volunteers are always happy to help, and the service and food is always exceptional. In my experience, they really listen to what you have to say. I have changed Arwyn's nappy, sat her in the sturdy highchair, and breastfed her in the cafe at least 6 times now, and each time it has been a breeze. My husband and I have even nattered over steaming mugs of chai as volunteers have amused baby. The baby changing space out the back often has boxes and things stacked onto it, due to the small size of the cafe, but these have always been removed swiftly and without a fuss by the staff, when I have approached them about nappy changing. The changing mat is always clean and of good quality.

Breastfeeding symbol sticker already on display

The cafe has a leather-free sofa ideal for breastfeeding comfortably, and hard-backed chairs set at wooden tables for dining. The cafe is peaceful, the toilets are clean, and there is art for sale on the walls. Veged Out is also planning to branch out and host evening openings and events soon. Personally, I can't wait! Unsurprisingly, Birmingham Sling Meet often meets at the cafe, as do various other local community groups.

And to top it all, Veged Out already sports an international breastfeeding symbol sticker in its front window. So I can't say anything other than 5 stars for this gem of a cafe -- and I advise that you get yourself down there, and VEG OUT!

Peace Out! at Veged Out Community Cafe

'VIP Baby'? Bull! Debenhams Cafe, Birmingham

2012-01-23T14:19:00.039Z

Debenhams Cafe in the Bull Ring is not the easiest hang-out to get to, since it is on the third floor of the huge shopping outlet, which is generaly quite busy.. Debenhams boasts of its 'VIP Baby Policy', but this varies greatly from store to store, as one mother discovered the hard way in Oxford.

It's true that Debenhams parent and baby room facilties are generally clean and well thought-out, but the ethos is certainly not always there. To my dismay after ordering a hot drink and feeding my little girl in the Bull Ring store, I asked a waitress where the baby changing room and was told- somewhat rudely, might I add- realised that it was not with the other toilets on the Cafe floor, but in fact elsewhere in the large store! So much for a rest and breastfeeding session: I had to gulp down my steaming beverage, pack up our things, and wade down to the loos on the second floor to change Arwyn's nappy. Of course I could change it before visiting the cafe in future, but unfortunately it's not possible to time baby's poos in such a manner. If Debenhams happens to branch out and invent such a device, I'll certaintly consider rewriting my review.

Until then, the Bull Ring cafe gets only 2 stars from me.

You never know what's 'in store' with Debenhams Cafes

Really lovely cafe, but not much for little ones

2012-01-09T18:28:00.029Z

I hate to give a poor review, especially of a cafe I like personally. But going out alone is very different to going out with a baby girl, and that is what these reviews take into account. I'm going to have to give Kassa Coffee & Tea House 2 stars because it was tricky changing Arwyn's nappy there- and I had to do it twice!

Feeding here on the other hand, was a lovely experience as the coffee house has such a nice atmosphere to it, with it's cosy decor, overflowing bookshelves, and super-friendly staff members. There are plenty of cushy sofas to relax into, and the sea-view is also fantastic. So to conclude, I highly recommend a visit to Kassa if you want to unwind with a book or meet up with a friend -- but not if you're taking baby or a little one along with you!

Leave baby home if visiting Kassa!

To the blogosphere and beyond......

2011-12-26T18:03:00.001Z

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my readers!

Here's to more breastfeeding in 2012!

Even little elves need to rest and eat - sometimes!

Not feeling the love at The Love Cafe, St Leonards

2011-12-15T12:22:00.004Z

A visit to The Love Cafe on Norman Road in St Leonards on Sea always leaves me feeling a tad exasperated and confused. The words I often hear bandied about in relation to The Love Cafe are 'community', 'arty' and 'warm and welcoming'. However I have visited the cafe twice now and I have sadly not found it to be a warm and welcoming place. It's true that the walls and ceiling are decorated with bold pieces of art, but the reception I have had from the staff there has not been warm and has always made me feel like an outsider while in the cafe.

We wanted the second sling meet to be held near Warrior Square train station again for those commuting from other areas of East Sussex, and now that The Roomz cafe has closed, The Love Cafe seemed like a good choice. When we rang the cafe to ask if it was okay to hold the meet there on a Saturday however, we were turned away 'because the cafe can get so busy on weekends'. Surely, I thought, any cafe that reaches full capacity can simply turn people away on the day - rather than doing so in advance? But I had heard so much about how great the cafe is, that I decided to push ahead with lunching there anyway.

Where is the love? Not in this cafe..

We planned the meet for a weekday instead. I arrived early to scout out a large table for the group, and ordered a (somewhat pricey) squash soup. I must confess to being a bit of a wimp when it comes to spicy foods, so I asked the waitress if the soup was spicy first to avoid disaster. She told me that it was mild. It took a while to come as the cafe did get busy, and then it turned out to be virtually inedible by my (annoyingly delicate) palate. I ended up leaving the entire bowl of soup and munching through several slices of plain bread instead (I had to ask for more bread in a sorry attempt to mop up the spice; a tactic which, unsurprisingly, failed miserably). When a different waitress came to take my bowl away, she asked me pointedly if there was something wrong with the soup. I apologised for my weak spice-threshold and told her that it was lovely but I simply couldn't eat it. Now it was her turn to apologise, and she offered me something else from the menu. I told her I had filled up on bread (which had left me feeling a little sick), but I did feel relieved at not having to pay full price for the uneaten soup...

...Until I was given the bill, which made no such concession. I was annoyed by this as I realised that I should have had the free meal I'd been offered in it's place, and eaten it later, since I ate a proper lunch when I got home anyway. I don't usually shy away from offering feedback to cafe staff but the cafe was busy and I was hungry and I didn't fancy waiting around to give negative criticism.

I don't review cafes based on their menus, but I will say that breastfeeding a 5 month old baby is hungry work, and I fed Arwyn twice during the meet, while eating only bread for lunch.

I realise that others will disagree with this review based on the fact that the cafe looks so warm and inviting. It is colourfully decorated and hosts quirky furniture and music. But to me the cafe experience is made by the staff members, and the whole time I was in the cafe, I noticed them stopping and chatting at length to friends who clearly frequent the cafe perpetually, whilst ignoring the needs of other customers. I waited a good while to be approached by a waitress before deciding to continue trying to consume my pepper-heavy soup (I was very hungry..), and when I finally was noticed I felt uncomfortable for not telling the waitress sooner that I was unhappy with my meal. But this is not easy to do when you have a wriggly babe in arms and you have to feed her and change her and somehow navigate her and a big nappy bag across a busy cafe when your mouth is on fire and your tummy is rumbling and your mood is spiralling..

I also found the facilities of The Love Cafe to be lacking. This really surprised me, as a mum from the sling meet had recommended the cafe, and she knows that I always review the facilities. (I have since learned that the cafe owners are friends of her's). The unisex toilet was very small and had no room to improvise a nappy change, even on the floor, which was cold and tired. There was no changing table or mat and the floor, so I ended up sitting on the loo and changing Arwyn on my own mat on my lap - which was no easy feat!

It was also tricky feeding Arwyn in The Love Cafe. I moved seats because the clunky armchair I was sat in was uncomfortable for feeding her in, but then I ended up hemmed-in against the wall and stupidly close to the speaker from which deafening music overexcited and confused my child. I'd have moved again but by now the cafe was busy, and I had already ordered my food and moved once and asked for my food to be brought to a different table (which had received a blunt acknowledgement from the waitress behind the till).

So, I left the cafe feeling exasperated, fed up, and hungry, which are, in my opinion, three things that no cafe should cause -- particularly when that cafe has the word 'love' in the title! I certainly didn't feel any while I was there.

In case you think I'm being unfair, for some strange reason I went back a second time, and I was again disappointed by the unfriendliness of the staff- except, again, to customers they already knew. This is not, in my opinion, the meaning of 'community', or welcoming behaviour. So I give The Love Cafe a measly 2 stars.

And the mild suggestion that they should, perhaps, change their name...

Grazie, Caffe Aldo! A gem amongst the rubble, Brighton

2011-11-22T21:25:00.002Z

Caffe Aldo: family-friendly & open late!

When you have a little baby, it can be ridiculously and (if you have a sadistic sense of humour) hilariously time-consuming and difficult to get anywhere on time. So, somewhat unsurprisingly, during our last day trip to Brighton we missed the train home by a few minutes, despite the fact that this had happened to us once before. In the past we have had to wait for an hour for the next train to Hastings in one of the two greasy spoon restaurants outside Brighton train station, but I really didn't feel that I could stomach either of them, this time. And we had an hour to kill. What to do?

We ventured a little further down the road from the train station, where we found an Italian cafe/restaurant and takeaway place called Caffe Aldo. The owner welcomed us warmly, and the cafe seemed friendly and bright when we entered it. Thankfully, it was also open till 11pm. I ordered a herbal tea, but before I had sat down Arwyn did a HUGE poo. And I mean huge, folks. I could tell by the sheer explosive sound it made on exit. I must admit that I panicked a little. Did the cafe have changing facilities? If not, what should I do? But before I could worry myself into the sort of poo-enduced mania that only a mother with a baby can know, Aaron gestured towards the baby-friendly sign on the toilet door. Phew.

I was not disappointed. A table with a strap, a chair for breastfeeding (yes it was next to the toilet, but that's better than having to sit on the toilet to feed isn't it? (I have never had to do this myself, but a few mums I know whow have very easily distracted babies have had to retreat to cafe restrooms before, to feed in peace and quiet)), as well as high chairs in the cafe and friendly, approachable staff. The pizzas are advertised as preservative- and flavouring-free, and the seats were comfortable for breastfeeding. After feeding Arwyn I approached the cafe owner- Aldo himself- with my feedback about the good facilities,in response to which he nodded seriously and said 'of course, we understand this because we have children too', and graciously accepted the breastfeeding sticker I offered him. I hastily thrust it into the front window and snapped a photo of it, before rushing out the door lest we miss another train home.

(5 stars, of course.)

Here's an Iydea: Listen to your customers! (or, The Brighton Cafe that Prefers Mirrors to Children)

2011-11-15T08:12:00.005Z

Since I started breastfeeding in cafes and assessing their facilities for children and parents, I have always made a point of visiting a variety of places without researching them first, because if I was to research the facilities first I would no doubt avoid the places that lack them, since they make my job a lot harder to do! Sometimes when I'm out and about with Arwyn she needs feeding right away or the weather changes and I do have to pop into the nearest cafe without always having time to check whether it has a baby changing table, etc, so that is the experience I will assess any cafe on.

Little ones are not welcome here..

Iydea in Brighton is one of those cafes that I would rather have avoided than have to give a poor rating. The cafe has won awards for it's catering and the food was certainly good. When I trudged up the steep and narrow staircase to the restroom (which is also inaccessible to disabled people), I found that there was no baby changing table and no room at all to improvise a nappy changing surface, so I carried Arwyn back down the stairs and approached two members of staff about needing to change Arwyn's nappy. The first staff member suggested going to another cafe to change Arwyn and then coming back to finish my food. The second staff member quickly spoke over her comment; he was more considerate and he apologised for the lack of facilities, but he said that I really should have checked that they had them beforehand. I explained my role as reviewer-blogger-mama and asked to speak to the manager. Staff member #2 said that as deputy manager he was sorry for the inconvenience but there was nothing he could do about it, as 'the restroom has no room for a baby changing table'. I told him that Aloka restaurant, which is also in Brighton, has a toilet space smaller than the one in Iydea, but it does have a changing table above the toilet seat. Deputy M replied that this would mean removing the mirror that is above the loo. 'Yes, it would', I said, 'and it's a shame that the manager isn't here for me to discuss that with him'. 'Oh', DM replied, 'the manager is here, he's just in a meeting. Would you like me to get him?' I waited for a good while before DM returned to tell me that he ran the idea of fitting a changing table by the manager but he wasn't at all interested in it, as 'he'd rather have the mirror'. Nor was he interested in speaking to one of his customers. 'Okay', I said, 'but I'm going to quote him on that'.

I did breastfeed Arwyn in the cafe, but after this discussion I felt awkward about taking a baby into the cafe at all, since little ones are clearly not welcome there. I'm still surprised by Iydea's inflexibility and disregard for people with children, and I certainly won't be going there again, but I suppose they already have a reputation for their dishes and that's all they are concerned about.

But there is more to a cafe than the food they serve.. Oh dear, Iydea. Only 1 star from me.

Refreshments by the fisherman's huts - eat @ The Stade cafe, Hastings

2011-11-03T14:35:00.003Z

Another wet and windy day. We mosed around the Old Town and tested out our sling in the rain. The way I tie it at the moment, in the front wrap cross carry, means that part of the sling can be pulled over Arwyn's head to protect her from the wind and rain. I wasn't sure how she'd feel about this as she usually likes to look around when she's in the sling, but being carried around in it also makes her dozy after a while, so she didn't mind being completely covered up in when we needed to walk home.

The best end to a day: tea & cake

For sitting up in style!

I had to stop off somewhere to feed her before the long-ish walk home, but as ever I had not timed this too well- most of the cafes were closing, as I hadn't made it out the house till late afternoon, again. Amid the gloom I spotted eat @ The Stade cafe glowing like a beacon across the way, so I trudged over to it and found that it was open till 5pm - phew. I was also more than a little pleased to find that the cafe had vegan chocolate and banana cake on display.. I must confess that whenever I come across cake that I can eat I tend to react something like this. Ahem. Well anyway, the eat cafe chain is brilliant; you simply can't go wrong with it. Once again I was most impressed by the friendly staff, the large selection of herbal teas, a set of very comfortable sofas for breastfeeding on, brighly colourful chairs, spacious layout with huge windows to let the light in and provide an atmospheric view- especially as the sun was setting when I arrived-, a healthy and affordable children's menu, vegan options, vegan cake!, 4 super-funky high chairs decorated with lime and tomato patterns, and a clean baby changing room with a fold-out changing table with a strap. Also, the manager was pleased to receive my feedback, and she promptly stuck the breastfeeding sticker I gave her in the front window of the cafe.

How can I say anything other than '5 stars'?! If you want to visit a really good cafe, I suggest that you opt for eat @ The Stade - regardless of whether or not you have children (though mums will be most impressed)!

eat @ The Stade: a beacon of light in a storm. Look out for the sticker!

Why I choose to babywear -- continuing the The Continuum Concept

2011-11-02T20:44:00.003Z

I decided to babywear after reading The Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff. This book is, in my opinion, essential reading for any western parent. Although Liedloff wrote the book in 1975, it is still just as relevant to today's society.

The book is easy to read, written in first person and with a basic plotline: Liedloff was studying to be a doctor, which she gave up to travel to South America, where she ended up staying, living with the native tribe the Yequana. She became their doctor due to her partial training in the field, and the book is her missive about her time spent with the Yequana, and the things she learned from their way of life.

When I picked up this book to read it, I was dubious about the title and what I had heard already about it. Was it going to cite sensational methods and tell me to live in a way that is not natural to me? These were my concerns, because the book has had such a powerful influence on people over the years. However, I instead found Liedloff's ideas to be non-intrusive, well presented, and topics I had already been thinking about and could relate to.

The idea behind 'The Continuum Concept' is that evolution has been a gradual and continual process where mammals have developed unique bonds with their children whilst going about their daily lives through a process that involves such practices as babywearing, co-sleeping and breastfeeding - until very recently in human history. The continuum that Liedloff speaks of emphasises that human beings have recently broken from such norms, as we now live entirely different lifestyles to those of our ancestors. Liedloff argues that his has had harmful effects on our children and also repercussions for the adults they grow into.

While living with the Yequana tribe, Liedloff noticed marked differences between their children and western children. One of the main differences is that Yequana babies rarely cry. This led Liedloff to study the parenting practices of the Yequanac closely, so that over time she felt able to isolate the reasons for the content and alert tribal babies. One practice that Liedloff observed is that the Yequana women always carry their babies in slings with them as they go about their daily routines. This has become known in the west as 'babywearing', and it is a surfacing trend now among niche groups of women who have realised the benefits of carrying their babies in a similar fashion. Liedloff reasons that the baby has come from a cosy, secure and warm place- the womb- and s/he needs to maintain some of that equilibrium when encountering all the differences in the outside world. Using a sling to carry one's baby around is the perfect way to do this, as it provides the warmth, comfort and security of the womb, while allowing baby to absorb the environment around him/her.

Liedloff's ideas were seen as radical when her work was first published in the 70s, however it has gained more gradual acceptance since then by the mainstream. Many of her ideas resonated strongly with me, and I cannot thank the parent who lent me the book enough.

I would particularly recommend this book to expectant parents and current parents, although I must also emphasise that the book does not aim to tell you how to parent: it simply offers a different view to the norm which may appeal to your natural instincts the way it did to mine, or it may not. Although I have summarised some of the main points of the book here, there is a lot more to Liedloff's theories, and I cannot speak for the effect that reading The Continuum Concept might have on you personally. So, why not read it and find out? :)

Babywearing - Wrapsody sling

Aside from the reasons cited in the book, I love babywearing because it bring make me closer to Arwyn- not just physically!- and I feel at peace knowing that she is warm and comforted against my body even when we're outside on the chilliest of days. Also, she simply loves being in the sling- any tears cease as soon as she's in it, and when we're out she loves to look around and smile at me from the comfort of the wrap. Bliss!

Hastings Sling Meet at The Roomz, Hastings

2011-10-30T14:18:00.082Z

Babywearing mamas at the Hastings Sling Meet

I really enjoy attending sling meets but the nearest established one to where I live is in the town of Eastbourne, which can be tricky to get to with a 4 month old baby who likes to stay awake till 5am. So I decided to set up a meet closer to home, along with a few ladies I had met at the Eastbourne Meet. Six mums attended the first gathering just through word of mouth, so the Hastings Sling Meet now meets once a month at a cafe in Hastings.

For the first meet we chose The Roomz in St Leonards, as it is known for being a friendly and welcoming cafe, and it is also very near St Warrior Square Station, for those who live outside Hastings. The owner was pleased to have us when phoned beforehand, and the staff were very friendly and accommodating. The toilet was clean and it had a baby changing table, the cafe has high chairs, and I certainly felt at ease breastfeeding there. However, I can't give it a full 5 stars because The Roomz does often have bands sound checking in the daytime; I had to ask them to stop doing this during our meet as it was simply too loud to hear each other speak, and it was also upsetting some of the babies.

I was going to give The Roomz 4 stars, but when I spoke to Bev, the manager, she told me that the cafe is now closing due to financial difficulties, which is a real pity as it's a lovely little venue!

The next meet with therefore be at The Love Cafe in St Leonards. All parents- babywearing or not- are welcome to attend the Hastings Sling Meet. Join the Facebook group to watch for updates!

Now a little about babywearing. People often see myself or my husband out and about with Arwyn in our Wrapsody sling (organic cotton, fair trade, and hand dyed- a brilliant gift from a friend of our's!), and sometimes they ask about it but other times they seem to shy. So, here's a post on why I choose to babywear.

Facilites Above the Rest at The Pavilions Food Loft, Birmingham

2011-10-22T18:14:00.002+01:00

It was time to take a trip up to Birmingham to visit family, which was no easy feat with a 3 month old baby and a 5 hour train journey including 3 changes! There is a faster train route from Hastings to Birmingham but it goes via London and we wanted to avoid the busy Big Smoke if possible. But then the day came and one of the main train lines was out due to a partial collapse, so all trains in the South East were delayed and our planned timetables route basically went out the window! Pretty much everything I had been worried about happened: our journey was lengthened significantly, we had to travel via London, we had to traipse across London carrying baby, car seat and luggage, and we had to get a bus across London to change train stations. Oh, and it was scorching hot and the trains and bus were overheated. But we made it in the end!

During our stay in Birmingham, we had lunch at the Pavilions Food Loft in the town centre one afternoon. The Food Loft hosts several different food outlets, a few of which offer good vegan options, and at slightly cheaper prices than the High Street. There are plenty of healthy choices for children, though also a range of unhealthy ones, which might cause problems if little one wants to choose her own lunch! The Food Loft is clearly frequented by families who wish to avoid the busyness of the Bull Ring, however the seating is open-plan and spacious enough to avoid feeling hemmed-in, or getting in anyone's way.

The baby changing room is also spacious- and very impressive! It has 3 fold-out baby changing tables, a lockable room with a toilet in it, and a curtained room with two comfy, purple armchairs and a table in it, with sockets above the table for added convenience. There was no breastfeeding sticker on display, which I thought was a shame as many mums may not be aware of the excellent breastfeeding facilities in the Pavilions. I fed Arwyn in comfort in the quiet, private area provided in the baby room, and I was very grateful for the moment of respite!

A definite 5 stars from me - even despite having no breastfeeding-friendly sticker. Well done to the Pavilions- if only more eateries offered such great facilities for mums!!

Comfort & privacy at the Food Loft

A biodynamic experience at Aloka restaurant, Brighton

2011-10-18T17:13:00.001+01:00

Dining with style at Aloka Brighton

It was our wedding anniversary and we decided to celebrate it with a day trip to Brighton. We ate at a restaurant called Aloka Brighton, which was recommended by a Brightonian friend of our's who is also vegan. Aloka is a 'Quality of Life Centre' based in the Lanes, and the restaurant creates healthy and biodynamic meals using local, seasonal, and organic produce where possible. And I have to say, we were impressed at the number of dishes that were presented to us mostly raw! It was a great experience for anyone who enjoys trying new things. The chef made a real art of the dishes we chose, we received a complimentary starter, and the food was decently price for such fancy fare. I won't go into the details of all the dishes we consumed, but the home-made and raw mint ice cream is certainly worth mentioning here!

Arwyn slept through most of the meal, and I fed her a few times while we were there. The staff at Aloka were friendly and cheerful, and they didn't bat an eyelid at me breastfeeding Arwyn. The setting was very relaxing and very Japanese-esq; minimalist with sharp lighting, and trendy decor. There was no children's menu, but the staff were flexible and would probably have been happy to accommodate for a young child. The restroom was unisex and small, but clean with a changing table above the toilet.

Biodynamic feeding!

All in all, this was a very pleasant dining experience, and Aloka is certainly a breastfeeding-friendly restaurant, though it could be a lot more child-friendly (eg there were no high chairs, as far as I could see). The manager does not work in the building so one of the waitresses took my email address to follow up about displaying a breastfeeding sticker, however no one has contacted me yet. Although a foodie would love this restaurant, from the perspective of a mother with a young child I'm afraid it's a middling 3.5 stars for Aloka Brighton.

Little food for thought at Morrison's Cafe, Hastings

2011-10-15T19:21:00.000+01:00

According to the Morrisons website, Morrisons Cafes aim to be very family-friendly, but the Hastings cafe doesn't really live up to such a standard.

The baby changing facilities are based next to the normal toilets but through a set of heavy double doors at the end of the corridor, which I didn't think made ease of access too, er, easy! The facilities were good: when I visited it the lockable changing room was clean and spacious, with a padded changing mat next to a tissue dispenser, and it's own toilet. A sign welcomes bottle warming facilities, and another offers free nappies to customers. However, in the short time that it took to change Arwyn's nappy, two people without babies came in separately to use the toilet (I hadn't bothered to lock the door) - and both left swiftly with embarrassed looks! I know from various experiences when I was pregnant that the 'normal' Morrisons's toilets are usually not very clean, and certainly not very spacious, so I expect the baby room is used frequently by Morrisons's customers in this fashion. I only wish I had thought of it when I was 6-8 months pregnant and having to shuffle in and out of the dirty women's loo!

So, bear in mind that if you eat at the cafe your child will also have to make use of unclean loos, unless you're willing to sneak into the baby changing room to use the one in there.

Morrisons cafe offers a free children's meal after 4pm 'on school nights', which would normally cost £2.59, and it has high chairs and cheap menu options. However, the kid's menu isn't too healthy: a cheeseburger with fries, or sausages with fries, are options that will trump the (slightly healthier) spag bol/mac & cheese options for many a young'un. (Salad? What salad?!) There is a more healthy 'sandwich pack' on offer, though as you can see from the link to the menu, this choice features less prominently on the menu, and it has much smaller pictures depicting the meal! There is also no indication of what the sandwich filling is, and there is a chocolate bar included with the meal -- but it does at least contain some fruit and fruit juice.

In terms of breastfeeding, which forms the bulk of the rating that I give any cafe, I didn't feel that Morrisons was at all up to scratch. There is actually enough room in the baby changing room for there to be an armchair so that mum can breastfeed in private, but this clearly isn't on Morrisons's agenda. Meanwhile, the seats in the cafe are glued in place which means there is a set amount of room between chairs and tables, which makes breastfeeding difficult. There is nowhere else you can sit to avoid this problem, and Arwyn became fussy at not being comfortably held while feeding.

Even if you're not breastfeeding, it's tricky to sit in the fixed-seats at all with a little baby: I had to be very vigilant to avoid Arwyn hitting her head on the table, and she was also uncomfortable with the small amount of room she had to wriggle around in while sat on my lap. In the end I decided to stand up with her while sipping my juice at intervals, and I don't see how any parent with a young baby could avoid having to resort to this.

Overall then, a disappointed 2 stars for Morrisons cafe. My advice to the chain is: save money on advertising yourself as mum-friendly, and instead improve your children's menu, your cafe seating, and your normal toilets so that people don't keep using the baby changing room to do their business/es. Then maybe we can talk about getting you a breastfeeding sticker.

Brekky by the bandstand -- eat @ The Park cafe, Hastings

2011-10-12T16:35:00.126+01:00

All-day vegan brekky

It was a lovely autumn's day, breezy but warm, with lots of sharp sunshine, so we decided to go for a walk in Alexandra Park, which has a wide variety of trees and is an aesthetic beauty this time of year in particular. There is a cafe in Alexandra Park called eat @ The Park, which is situated near the main entrance of the park and is open year-round, and I'd heard a lot of good things about it so I was looking forward to check it out.

Light & spacious indoors

Eat cafe is spacious but cosy, and it boasts a beautiful view as it is surrounded by the park and has large windows that let in lots of natural light. There is also outdoor seating, for the more ambitious.

I was pleased to note right away that the menu listed on the shop front features various vegan meal options, including an all-day vegan breakfast - which I was quick to order! The cafe also has a good range of foods on its children's menu, a selection of healthy snacks an drinks, a children's area with books and toys, high chairs, and a clean bathroom with a changing table (with a strap) and liquid hand soap. There was also a (worn) breastfeeding symbol sticker on the front door, though it was hidden from view when we visited as the doors were propped open.

Well fed mama & baby

We had a pleasant meal and a pleasant breastfeeding experience, and the cafe owner jumped at the chance to display a new breastfeeding symbol sticker in the front window. Eat cafe will definitely be getting my custom a lot this autumn/winter -- and it may well become my favourite cafe in Hastings! It opens from 9am-4pm daily in winter.

So, 5 stars from me -- and a big 'well done' to all the staff!

Breastfeeding is welcome at eat @ The Park cafe

Jempson's: family-friendly cafes? Take 2 in Bexhill-on-Sea

2011-10-04T22:27:00.002+01:00

On a rainy day I love pottering around the charity shops and having tea in Bexhill-on-Sea as it is a lovely town, clean, pedestrian-friendly, and only 7 minutes from Hastings by train. I have also found it to be full of friendly, helpful people, and for some reason the charity shops always tend to be brimming with children's clothes and toys.

Although I enjoy visiting independent cafes most of all, they were closing by the time I'd finished looking around, so I stopped for a drink in Jempson's Cafe instead, as it was open till 6pm. The cafe didn't have much food left and the staff were too busy nattering to pay much attention to me, but baby was getting restless and I needed to feed her ASAP. There was a little private alcove of seating at the back of the cafe, but a staff member was busy nattering away in it and I didn't feel comfortable intruding.

The seats in the cafe were surpringly uncomfortable as the chairs were hard and wooden, and heavy and awkward to move while already-seated and feeding. There was a single high chair, maybe because the cafe doesn't get much custom from little ones in the Bexhill branch, since the town has an aging population.
The changing table in the bathroom was in the ladies only. It was clean and it had a strap for baby's safety, but there was no bin to put the nappy in- only a ladies sanitary disposal bin. At the end of my visit I asked to speak to the manager, who was behind the till but busy making a drink. She didn't acknowledge me when the staff member told her that I wanted to speak to her, and when she finally did it was only by peering over the food display, rather than greeting me properly. I was surprised at this service, as my previous experiences with Jempson's staff have been so positive, but this branch did seem different to the usual Jempson's style.

I told the manager about my campaign, and I asked her if she would like a window sticker. She said she would, so I asked if I could take a photo of her putting it up. She must have misheard me though as she told me to go ahead and put it up myself- and I didn't feel like wasting and more of her time (which is how the exchange felt), so I went ahead and got a passerby to take a photo of me stickering the cafe.

I have mixed feelings about this experience. Jempson's in Bexhill do have some of the basics right, but since the staff were not approachable, I don't really feel that I could have asked for help with anything or fed back properly to them if my experience had been negative. On the other hand, they might have just had a bad or busy day, and they certainly didn't hesitate when it came to displaying the breastfeeding symbol. I don't award stickers to cafes that rate lower than 3 stars, but I don't feel that Jempson's was quite a 4, because of the service. So in the meantime, it's a 3.5 stars for the Bexhill branch of Jempson's, compared to the 4 stars scored by the Hastings branch. I wonder how the branch in St Leonards (where I live) would fare? More on the popular South East chain coming soon....

Hungry baby? A silver bullet for breastfeeding

2011-10-03T20:05:00.007+01:00

October 3rd. Another hot, sweltering day, a zillion errands to run in town, a hungry baby and a trip to the Bullet Coffee House in Hastings for a late lunch.

Excellent menu

Although I don't thoroughly review menu options of the cafes I visit, it has to be said that Bullet Coffee House has a fantastic range of dishes on offer, and it gets extra credit from me because it is also one of the only places in Hastings that makes falafel!

A peek into the cafe from the entrance reveals a small but sunny space and a large blackboard listing food and drinks options. However the cafe also has a large and elegantly furnished seating area downstairs, with very comfortable seats for breastfeeding and a long flat sofa - ideal for lying a very little one down as you eat (we did this with Arwyn and she happily stared up at the colourful lighting for a while).

There are 2 toilets downstairs but neither has a baby changing table. When I asked the cafe owner where I could change my baby, she was surprisingly quick to give me permission to change baby's nappy on the sofa! I used the travel changing mat I keep in Arwyn's outdoor bag, and was more than a little amused at the fact that not having to move from my seat in this instance was actually easier than my usual experience of using a changing table. (I always use hand sanitiser whenever I change Arwyn anywhere. )This is the difference that understanding and flexible cafe staff can make to a mother's day!

Although there is no children's menu on display, it would be easy to ask for something specific to be made for an older child, because the cafe prepares its dishes on site, and has quite a range available. Most of the menu options were also very healthy. That said, an older Arwyn could easily have eaten off my plate, as the portion size I was given was very generous.

I fed Arwyn with comfort on the large sofa we had staked out, and marvelled at the privacy of doing so.. If you're a shy breastfeeder or you have an easily-distracted child, the lower ground floor of Bullet Coffee House could be a real haven for you. I recommend that you try it out!

When I fed back some of my thoughts to the cafe owner, she jumped at the chance to display a breastfeeding-friendly sticker, and she immediately stuck it in the cafe window. I will update you if the cafe decides to have a baby changing table fitted, as per my recommendation. Nevertheless, I can only award such enthusiasm from staff, and such a pleasant experience overall, with 4.5 (not yet 5/5, because of the lack of a baby changing table), and I will definately be visiting this silver bullet of a cafe again!

Breastfeeding mothers are welcome here

Victorious Mamma in the News!

2011-09-30T15:20:00.014+01:00

Article in the Hastings Observer can be read online here

Hastings Observer, p5, 30th September 2011

Give into the feed at Brighton Temptation cafe!

2011-09-20T14:20:00.058+01:00

It was our wedding anniversary so we were planning on taking a day trip into Brighton, however Arwyn kept us up till 6am wanting to play so we didn't actually make it out of the house until 4pm! Despite feeding baby on the train at the start of our evening trip, she wanted milk again soon after we had ventured into the Laines. Most of the cafes were closing, and it was getting a bit chilly to feed Arwyn outside, so we ventured into a bright-looking cafe called Brighton Temptation, mostly because the staff member who greeted us was so incredibly inviting and smiley!

The cafe was closed for food but open till 6pm for drinks, so we ordered a couple of Luscombe juices and sat in a comfortable sofa at the back, near the toilets. The cafe is nicely decorated, in warm and welcoming colours. The food is sourced locally, though unfortunately for me there were no vegan cakes in their inviting-looking cake range! It also had a bookshelf full of promising reads, toys for the little ones, several sturdy-looking wooden high chairs, and a changing table in the bathroom with a strap on it, to stop baby from rolling off it. And.. wait for it!.. in the front window of Temptation cafe is a breastfeeding sticker!! It's not the international symbol, but a Healthy Start design (see photo), which is just as good in my book. The manager was also happy to take a sticker from me too, so up in went in the window along with the others.. So I left the cafe as a very happy bunny!

Brighton Temptation gets a big smiley 5 stars from me!

Everyone is welcome at Brighton Temptation!

Because no mum is an island.. Java Coffee Lounge, Hastings

2011-09-13T20:14:00.040+01:00

It was my mother in law's birthday last week and I knew the exact gift for her, but it involved a trip into the Old Town. I really like Hastings Old Town; it's a picturesque, quaint part of Hastings, and the stone architecture is really impressive. It's also known as the swanky part of Hastings, so it can be a bit on the pricey side for regular visits.

Bamboo garden

It was a surprisingly hot late summer's day, and baby soon needed a feed, so I decided to breastfeed in the Java Coffee Lounge, as a quick peek within its doors revealed a sign for a bamboo garden! I ordered a freshly squeezed orange juice and took a seat under a parasol in the cafe garden. It was a very peaceful, pretty setting, with wall paintings and various plants, and lovely for a fine day like today. A signed warned of prowling seagulls but there was no gull poo in sight - a welcome thing in a seaside town!

I changed Arwyn in the disabled/baby changing room with ease: it was clean and tidy, and the fold-out changing table had a strap on it which meant I didn't have to keep a hand on baby while I rummaged through my bag. Small things can make a real difference for a mum with a little baby! The cafe also has a decent children's menu, and the Facebook page states 'We support mothers and babies breastfeeding'. There was no sticker on display, but I had a happy feeding experience beneath my parasol, and when I fed back to the manager he was polite and friendly, and quick to accept a sticker to put it in the front window.

A happy 5 stars from me!

Breastfeed in peace at the Java Coffee Lounge

VIP shelter from the storm at Debenhams Cafe, Hastings

2011-09-06T21:11:00.003+01:00

Autumn is in the air, and today's unprecedented stormy day did a good job of announcing it. I have not lived by the sea for long so I was amazed to see it today, thrusting powerful wave after white frothy wave at the shore; crashing on rocks; confusing seagulls. The red flags were up, and constantly flying in the heavy wind. We wouldn't normally have ventured out at all into such a blustery, drizzly day, but we had a few important appointments to attend in town. We were only out for roughly 4 hours in total, but it felt like a full day's work! Thankfully Arwyn slept snugly and peacefully the entire time in our baby sling, waking up only for milk.

Things take a lot longer to do in the big wide world when you have a baby to attend to. I fed her with relative ease in the Priory Meadow changing room the first time, but I didn't fancy going back there a second, and anyway I was hungry for a hot meal by then! So we opted instead for the Debenhams Cafe, which my husband suggested because it offers a beautiful view of the sea.

I'll be honest. I don't shop in Debenhams, or any other chain clothes store in fact, as I decided several years ago never to purchase new goods made using sweatshop labour, preferring to spend my money on fair trade clothing and second hand goods from charity shops instead. The Cafe, however, was a lovely find. Situated on the second floor of the tall Debenhams building, we reached it with ease using the escalators, and there is also a lift for those with pushchairs/escalator-fear.

The Cafe has a nice feel to it because it gets plenty of daylight due to having large windows. The meals are decently priced, and include a cheaper children's menu. We were also able to buy organic green tea, which I was more than a little impressed with! The staff seemed to be exceptionally friendly, which I (somewhat cheekily) put down to working in sight of the sea all day long! I fed Arwyn in a hard wooden chair at a table, which was not very comfortable, but I wanted to sit by the window and the comfortable seats did not offer sea views. For the shy breastfeeding mother however, the Cafe's parent and baby room boasts an armchair for mum to sit and feed in, in complete privacy! (The armchair was not wide enough for me to feed Arwyn in the usual hold, but that wasn't really a problem.)

The Cafe's baby room is fairly spacious, and the changing table pleased me because instead of being the standard fold-out one it is instead part of a larger table along the wall, which meant that I had somewhere to put my bag while tackling Arwyn's nappy, instead of having to balance it on my arm or bend awkwardly to rummage around in it while keeping a hand on Arwyn (lest she roll off the table- babies really like to roll when mum and dad least expect it!). The room also has a well-stocked large roll of toilet paper mounted at the head of the changing table, so that mum or dad can cover the table with a clean sheet before putting baby down, which saved me from doing my usual circus trick of balancing Arwyn on one arm while extracting a sterilised wipe from the nappy bag and wiping the table down, then putting a thin blanket down to mask the hard and cold of the surface (Arwyn hates cold, hard surfaces).

Not impressed enough? Well in addition to friendly baby facilities, the Cafe has several high chairs- I counted 6 of different sizes at a glance-, and is happy to warm baby bottles or heat baby food. It's refreshing to know that a local store- and one that can be found across the UK with ease- understands and has responded to the need for good baby facilities. Debenhams have a sort-of manifesto promising this, titled 'VIP Baby'.

I'm going to give Debenhams Cafe 5 stars and write them a letter of thanks, particularly because the store's ethos is (in theory) practiced in all Debenhams Cafes, which means there is at least one baby-friendly haven in almost every British town. There was also an old, torn, faded breastfeeding-friendly sticker on display in the actual room, so I will have to do some research to find out who to approach about displaying one in the actual cafe, but with the store's VIP policy, I can't imagine encountering any objections.

On a slightly separate note, the top floor of Debenhams is home to a bra-fitting service, including nursing bras, and it seems to be the only place to offer this service in Hastings since the local Mothercare closed down years ago. (Although M&S fit bras, they do so without measuring and therefore offer a poor service in this area.)

I'm pleased to report that a potentially gloomy and tiresome day was further saved by a(n eventual) return home to tea, cake and Scrabble, and peaceful snoozes from a happy, contented baby.

Caffe Nero in Hastings: Wake up and smell the breastmilk!

2011-09-05T17:12:00.002+01:00

I don't normally visit cafe chains, but there are many in Hastings that need reviewing.

Not impressed

The Caffe Nero branch is based at 2/3 Bank Buildings in the centre of town. If you're looking for privacy, you won't find it here, as there is only one floor to the cafe, the building has large glass windows so people can look out- and in, and the seating is spacious but 'open plan', so not great for a shy breastfeeding mother.

I did feed my 2 month old with ease as I am getting the hang of it now, and I was discreet enough that no one noticed me doing it. However I had to take Arwyn elsewhere to change her nappy, as the single toilet in the cafe (labelled disabled-friendly) was in a bit of a state (in mumspeak: unsanitary!). Despite the swanky look of the cafe, in practical terms it is simply not inviting to families with young children.

It goes without saying that the cafe does not sport a breastfeeding sticker.

A pithy 2 stars, I'm afraid.

Breastfeeding & babywearing - Eastbourne Sling Meet and the Love All Cafe

2011-08-23T17:36:00.005+01:00

I attended my first sling meet at 7 months pregnant, in Eastbourne, East Sussex. The idea of a sling meet is that parents with little ones meet up for social chinwagging while also having the opportunity to discuss alternatives to prams and pushchairs, ie babywearing. The Eastbourne Sling Meet is usually held every month or 6 weeks in the 'Love All' Cafe, which is run by the Tennis in the Park community club.

The cafe was a bit of a walk from the train station, but easy enough to find and set in the middle of a large, green park- which I especially liked after walking along the roadside! Because of the location of the cafe, and the outdoor seating, there is plenty of space for the kids to play and run around in, while staying out of harm's reach. The cafe has a homely, friendly feel: the decking is decorated with colourful bunting; the tableclothes are bright and cheerful.

The Meet was buzzing when my husband and I arrived: there was no less than 15 mothers and 2 fathers there already, with various children aged from 6 weeks old to 5 years old. Roamy, the organiser of the Eastbourne Sling Meet, gave us a warm welcome and answered all of our questions about babywearing. She also demonstrated various ways of wrapping different slings to us newbies, while older members pitched in with advice and sling-related stories. I hadn't before realised just how many different styles of slings there are! Thankfully for the parent who is overwhelmed with choice, Roamy also runs a sling library where parents can hire wraps inexpensively to see what works best for them and baby, while also being able to ask for advice on how to babywear correctly.

The Love All Cafe does not do much to promote it's family-friendly credentials, but it is by far the friendliest venue I have come across so far. It sports child-friendly toys, books and games in an area in the cafe, toys on the decking outside including scooters and tractors for the more adventurous little ones, a cheap 'n' cheerful, healthy children's food menu, high chairs, a changing table in the unisex bathroom, with bags to put dirty nappies in, and an obvious openness to breastfeeding -- most of the women at the Meet were breastfeeding mothers, but the staff did not blink an eyelid at the sudden take-over by lactating women!

Unfortunately the cafe doesn't have a breastfeeding symbol sticker on display, but I'll be able to rectify this soon, hopefully - I've ordered a stack of breastfeeding-friendly stickers and am waiting for them to arrive.

If you live nearer to Hastings than Eastbourne, come to the newly-launched Hastings Sling Meet.. I've just launched it, so first meet details are pending!

All in all, 4.5* out of 5 for the Love All Cafe, with an asterix that says: '5 stars with sticker'... And if you're planning on checking it out, I recommend dropping in on the next sling meet too!

Babywearing bliss

14 Reasons Why I LOVE to Breastfeed

2011-08-12T14:40:00.003+01:00

There is a plethora of information out there on why breastfeeding is amazing, so I'm not going to list those things here (plus, it would take me all day!). So here are some of the main reasons why I choose to breastfeed my baby girl:

Breastmilk alters in composition to suit my baby's needs. This means that the amount of nutrients, antibodies, etc in my milk change as my baby grows, so that my baby is nourished exactly as she needs to be at any point during her growth. There is also evidence that breastmilk can provide nutrients for the baby even if the mother's body is lacking in them! Go mummamilk!!
Breastfeeding means bonding and rejuvinating with 'just us' time.
It makes me more aware of my baby's moods and needs.
It's unbelievably cute when she starts rooting and dive-bombing my husband/the nearest softest object in anticipation of milk..!
Breastfeeding helps me to sleep better, and night-times are more restful for us both.
I can do it anywhere.
Breastfeeding support groups are special because they are naturally intimate and everyone there understands what I understand about breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding means I can comfort my baby easily.
Breastmilk doesn't stain my clothes.
I don't have to worry about sterilising bottles or chemicals in the plastic, etc.
It's eco-friendly!
Breastfeeding means I look after myself, as I have to stay well fed and rested in order to feed her.
We both get extra snuggles!
Breastfeeding gives me an immensely satisfied feeling, such as I have never had before in my life, as if nourishing my baby is what my body was designed for..

"Well duh, mama!"

Some excellent medical/scientific reasons for breastfeeding, complete with links to supporting articles, are listed on these websites:
http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/immunefactors.html
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201108/the-tremendous-benefits-breastfeeding
http://www.thefoodoflove.org/whats-so-special-about-breastmilk.htm
http://www.examiner.com/breastfeeding-in-seattle/different-breast-milk-for-boys-and-girls-says-university-of-washington

--

Feel free to add your own reasons in the comments section!

Can there be too much privacy? Breastfeeding in Priory Meadow shopping centre, Hastings

2011-08-09T20:56:00.004+01:00

We had to take Arwyn for her 6-week check-up at the Station Plaza Health Centre, and I wanted to avoid my last experience of breastfeeding there, so I decided to feed Arwyn in Priory Meadow shopping centre instead.

Priory Meadow is only a short walk from the Station Plaza- though it felt like miles away with a crying, hungry baby!- and it is the only local public venue I know of in Hastings that has a parent and baby room with an area dedicated to breastfeeding. The door of Priory Meadow's parent and baby room also hosts the only international breastfeeding symbol I have seen on display in Hastings. It looks like an old version of the symbol, but I take that as a good thing, as presumably it means that it has been there for a long time! It is also usefully situated near a creche, although getting there requires a flight of steep stairs or queueing for the lift, which is always busy because it also leads to the centre toilets and car park. The fluorescent sign above the door, however, depicts a picture of a baby bottle- ouch.

The room is spacious and it features 2 sinks (1 tap doesn't work), 2 wall-mounted horizontal baby changing tables, and 2 cubicles for privately breastfeeding. Unfortunately there was no indication of when the room was cleaned or how often it is cleaned; the table I used had bits of food on it, and the hygiene towel dispenser for putting down on the changing table was empty. Yuk. I wiped it down with a baby wipe instead, and used a blanket to cushion Arwyn. A family entered, and I went into one of the cubicles to feed baby. It had a single chair in it and a white shower-curtain-like hanging, and I felt odd drawing it to hide us while my baby had her lunch, but equally it would have been odd to leave the curtain open since it was there to be drawn, and since the cubicles directly face the entrance to the room.

Now I don't know if this happens with your little one, but when my baby is hungry, she makes a lot of noise. It's absurdly cute: she makes little whingey noises as she suckles, sighs occasionally when she pauses for breath, and when particularly excitable she even snorts. It's not discreet, and anyone else who is present gets to witness the melodic display. So as my embarrassment slowly mounted in the little cubicle, because I knew the family in the room could hear but not see Arwyn's musical show, I considered that I'd have been more comfortable feeding her without the privacy of the cubicle and it's curtain.

Also, there was no surface to put my bag on, so I had no access to my belongings, so I couldn't pass the 20 minutes with my book. Nor was there anything on the plain walls: again, not a single breastfeeding poster or leaflet. All I had to focus on was the noise the family was making, and my paranoia mounted as I heard the father telling his toddlers not to touch this or do that. I worried that they would suddenly pull open the curtain and expose me. Even though I've breastfed in public plenty of times now, the thought of this sudden awkward exposure concerned me, because I realised that I was, in effect, hiding in the first place. Then the couple left, and another one entered with their children, and I worried about the same thing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not asking for a water dispenser within arm's reach, breastfeeding pillows, to hear classical music as I feed my baby, or for vintage wallpaper- though they would be nice! I realise that the cubicles were fitted as a way of respecting a breastfeeding mother's privacy, and that the chair filled it's function despite being rigid and uncomfortable.....
But would it have been too much to ask breastfeeding mums what they want, before decking out the room- of even after? Is it really too much to ask for a comfortable seat? Is the baby changing room in Conquest Hospital, which features a real sofa, really so hard to replicate?

Why aren't we seen as a real group of people, who react, and have feelings, and a voice?

I'm giving Priory Meadow 4 stars for effort for getting the basics right, but they could still be a lot better.. I'll be feeding back to them soon.

Shiver me timbers! A brawl in The Rainbow Restaurant, Hastings (and a scourge of the seven seas..)

2011-08-05T19:20:00.008+01:00

Generated using www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Ahoy there! Wouldn't it be nice if every cafe owner responded to customer feedback without becoming aggressive, argumentative, and puerile? It would certainly make my mission to improve baby and child facilities here a lot easier.

Today is Hastings Pirate Day, and hundreds of Hastingers gathered on the beach in the Old Town dressed as pirates in an attempt to break the world record for most pirates gathered in one place. It is known as a very child-friendly event despite the crowds, and I couldn't resist going along to be part of it with Arwyn and me heartie Chris who has been visiting us from America.

I haven't taken the babe out before midday before, and we left the house at noon in order to be part of the pirate gathering, so it was much hotter than I expected it to be during the 20 minute walk to the Old Town. The sea was a sparkling luminous blue, and there was not an inch of shade in sight. I didn't want Arwyn to overheat, so as soon as the beach gathering ended we headed across the road to the first cafe in sight which looked family-friendly.

The Rainbow Restaurant was a little less busy than it's neighbours, and it had the enticing words 'family friendly' written on the outside of it, so we wandered in. We ordered chips and cold drinks while we cooled down and talked about what to do next. Arwyn soon needed a nappy change, so I took her upstairs to where the toilets were.. Only to find a complete absence of any baby facilities. The ladies toilet was tiny and there was no changing table, let alone anywhere to breastfeed. We had already received our food and drinks and I felt kinda marooned. I put down a blanket and changed her on the nearest table, more than slightly embarrassed by the people who passed us by to use the restrooms, and somehow juggled baby and dirty nappy in order to dispose of it in the restroom bin, which had no bag in it or lid. Oops.

Not a happy mamma

Breastfeeding didn't seem so daunting to me this time, as I have nursed Arwyn in public several times now, but it was difficult in the cafe. The tables had hard edges and there was no room to move my chair back.. I worried about Arwyn's latest skill of thrusting her head back suddenly, but there was not really any room to manoeuvre a 9 pound baby into feeding position while also protecting her head. But she had already started headbutting my chest in anticipation of her lunch, so I opted to put her back in the sling, and let her feed upright. This would have worked fine if it wasn't a really hot day, but she suckled for only a few minutes before letting out a cry due to being stifled. I did my best to feed her, and slowly felt my annoyance with the cafe build.. Why did they specifically say that they were family-friendly, when they had no facilities beyond a single high-chair on the downstairs floor?!

Chris assured me that the staff would welcome my feedback, and that I would be able to make suggestions to them for to make the cafe family-friendly. I felt confident, then, when I approached the lady behind the till about speaking to the manager. She instantly acquired that rabbit-in-headlight look, so I assured her that my complaint was to do with the lack of baby facilities, not about the service or staff. During this short missive however she broke eye contact with me, resumed putting cutlery into napkins, and said: 'fine, if you want us to go out of business'. I was completely taken aback but also somewhat amused, when suddenly a man at the table nearest to us turned in his chair and aimed the following statement at me: 'You trying to put me out of business??' His manner was, I am sorry to say, confrontational and aggressive.

I was not in the mood for a brawl: it was hot, I was tired, and Arwyn still needed feeding. Really, I just wanted to get out of there. But instead of reviewing them badly, I wanted to give them a chance to have their say, as perhaps they were entirely aware of how un-family-friendly their joint is. The conversation that followed with Mr Manager (I didn't dare to ask his name, lest he become more angry) continued thus:

Me: I'm not trying to put you out of business, this is actually a way of improving your business-

MM: I've had a bad enough year as it is without you targeting me.

Me: I'm not targeting you, I'm doing this with all the cafes in Hastings-

MM: You need to do all the cafes on this road then, you'll see (then he mumbled something and refused to repeat it again when I asked him to).

Me: I would like to review your cafe for my website-

MM: I'd rather you didn't write a review, okay? Don't write a review at all, okay?

Me: -and as a mother I did not find the facilities to be great. I would rather not write a negative review, as that isn't my aim, so I wonder if you could do some things to improve your facilities for mothers. I came in here because of the sign outside that said 'family-friendly'-

MM: We ARE family-friendly- families come in here and no one has ever complained before. And this is an old cafe, that sign has been there for years, fine I can take it down then-

Me (amused): I'm not asking you to do that. There are simple things that you could do to make it a bit friendlier for mums like me, for example you could have a sign that indicates that it's okay to change a baby here, even if you don't have a changing table-

MM: I can get a table. It's just a table that you bolt into the wall and it folds down, isn't it?

Me: Yes it is. That would be great, and it's the kind of thing I can put in my review of your cafe-

MM: Don't write a negative review, then. Or just review the food.

Me (seeking parley): Well my aim is to help other mums when they're out and about, so the food comes second. I mean it was fine, and so was the service, but changing my baby was not so easy-

Till-lady who initially accused me: I know what's it's like, I have a daughter too.

Me: Exactly. I don't have time to run into every cafe with my baby to assess whether it has basic facilities or not-

MM: I don't get why you're targeting us. (Me: As I said, I'm not.) Every cafe on this road is the same- you'd better review them as well. (Me: As I said, I will.) We've had so many complaints recently, we can't afford any more-

Me (feeling exasperated now): This is not a complaint. It's genuine feedback from a customer. Would you rather I didn't speak to you and told all my mother-friends not to come here? Because that is what will put you out of business. Your initial response to me- 'you trying to put me out of business?'- was aggressive and unnecessary. I'm a customer, and you shouldn't treat customers like that-

MM: Don't review my cafe then, unless you give me a positive review.

Me: I will come back with my feedback once you have made some changes, and that way I can also update the review. But I have to say that my first impression has not been good, because of the way you have just spoken to me.

MM: Okay. Fine.

Hornswaggle!

I asked Chris if he had felt the need to step in during any of this. I was pretty miffed at having to have this ridiculous argument in a cafe full of people. He told me that I had held my own, and that the manager's response had been surprising to him, too. I was tired out by now, and left Chris in a nearby pub with a drink, then took Arwyn home instead of spending longer in Town as planned. Hopefully some of my comments were taken on board by the manager of The Rainbow Restaurant, and will result in other mothers not having to go through that horrid exchange.. I will have to go back one day and see.

Avast ye! A quick online search shows that others have had trouble with Mr Manager of The Rainbow Restaurant too.

Oh, and I didn't even bother mentioning the breastfeeding symbol sticker. One baby step at a time..!

Eye gouging Chris = necessary anger release

A review of a book I love: Kate Evans' The Food of Love

2011-08-04T17:21:00.004+01:00

Cover illustration

When a friend of mine gave me Kate Evans' The Food of Love: Your Formula for Successful Breastfeeding, I had already read a number of books about breastfeeding (including Gina Ford and Ina May Gaskin), but had not found any of them to be helpful in a pragmatic way. They left for charity shop bookshelves shortly after I had finished reading them. The Food of Love made the cut however, as I found that it presents crucial and well-researched information in a very accessible and concise way, and without being too wordy- which makes it an excellent reference book and one that I will probably draw on for years to come.

Although breastfeeding is a natural and ancient process which can be immensely rewarding, it can also be challenging, demanding, and exhausting. There is a plethora of advice out there on breastfeeding, but this only adds to the problem of trying to decipher and choose what is best for your little one, as much of this advice is contradictory, difficult to digest, incorrect, or even dangerous for baby. Just a few of the important questions that are addressed in The Food of Love are: how can you be sure that baby is latched on properly?, how long should you allow baby to feed from each breast?, which breast should you start a feed with?, should you allow baby to fall asleep while feeding?, is co-sleeping safe? All questions are addressed with a view to allowing the reader to make up her own mind about each topic.

There is no end to these questions for a new mother in our society, partly because we are not as open about breastfeeding as other cultures are (hence my campaign), and partly because as a culture we do not benefit from age-old wisdom about breastfeeding that has been passed down to us by our elders/through the ages, and so we have to rely on what health professionals tell us- but over time this advice can change.

One of the main things I like about the book is how personable and humorous it is throughout, while still being informative and well researched. Evans blends personal experience with the facts, giving the book a friendly but still professional feel to it. References are listed in the back of the book and are easily accessible. The book is fairly large, and a square shape which means that the pages stay open easily, so it is easy to consult during a feeding session- I did this many times myself when I was learning to ensure that my baby was latched on properly! The book is brilliantly illustrated with funny, and sometimes daring, cartoons. As a new mum I identified with almost all of the scenarios Evans presents, my favourite being the one of a woman holding tea strainers over her breasts (to air her nipples in a case of nipple trauma) with the caption ‘no, the humiliations of motherhood will never cease’..! Introduction to humour as a means of coping with the trials of early parenthood got me through a lot in the early days, and I can’t thank Evans enough for this. Some things that might otherwise have got me down have been captured so well in the book that randomly remembering Evans’ drawings at those times tended to leave me in peals of (somewhat hysterical) laughter - instead of tears!

New mums are asked repeatedly about their baby’s feeding habits, and I have not yet tired of exclaiming about how well my baby feeds to anyone who will listen. It is an immensely satisfying and rewarding feeling, though that perhaps requires a separate post! However every professional who has asked me how breastfeeding is going, whether midwife, health visitor or doctor, has always initially given me same response- a curt nod with slight look of disbelief. Every time my baby has been weighed however, the same professional’s expression has changed instantly: Arwyn’s weight was double her birthweight by 5 weeks of age, and any health professional present who saw this would suddenly become very animated and exclaim how amazing this is, and how well my baby must be feeding (sometimes followed by a disbelieving look at my breasts!), as if breastfeeding is new to mankind, and not a well established, age-old, natural practice.

The Food of Love is an empowering book. Although I was shown by the midwives in hospital how to get Arwyn latched on properly to my nipple when feeding, it was also a lot of information to take in at the time, much of which I had forgotten by the time I got home. Evans’ funny and endearing diagrams of how to ensure a good latch meant that I mastered this within 24 hours of being home-something that many women tend to struggle with. I also used The Food of Love to treat blocked ducts in the early days following my baby’s birth, as I found Evans’ description of the symptoms easy to understand, and the instructions to alleviate the problem easy to follow.

This book is a practical necessity for any breastfeeding mother. I'm not exaggerating when I say that without this book I would have struggled with conflicting advice, worried a lot, and lacked confidence about breastfeeding generally. Whenever well-meaning persons gave me panic-worthy advice, as a new mother with little else to draw on, this book became my rock! My advice is, therefore, that you buy this book for any breastfeeding mother you know! - As it might make a real, positive difference in both mother and baby’s life. It’s a rare gift in that it ticks all the boxes – The Food of Love is practical, clear and informative, as well as funny and down-to-Earth. I found it to be life-changing, and I cannot thank my friend enough for giving it to me.

You can purchase a copy of the book here.

Jempson's Cafe (Hastings): are they really family-friendly cafes?

2011-08-03T12:23:00.005+01:00

It was an incredibly hot day and Arwyn was feeding more often than usual- roughly every hour or so. We had a friend visiting and I was aching to get out of the house, so we walked along the seafront to the centre of town, picking up some lunch from Trinity Wholefoods on the way. Then came the wah!-wah! of a baby in need of some milk, so we wandered into the Jempson's Cafe in Wellington Place.

We ordered drinks and took a seat upstairs, where it was quieter and there were comfy armchairs. I needed to change Arwyn so I located the baby changing room, which was downstairs. It had a changing table and a toilet and was a little cramped, but Jempson's gets points simply for having a separate room! They also had a high chair in the downstairs cafe. I fed Arwyn with ease in my comfortable armchair, and went unnoticed by anyone other than the people I was with, which is surprising since the rest of town was so busy. It's good to know that there's somewhere peaceful and private in town for when mum's nerves might be a little frazzled, even in the midst of summer holidays and tourist season!

Jempson's could still do with clearer signs regarding their baby changing facilities and breastfeeding policy, so that mum with a babe in arms doesn't have to run around the cafe in heat trying to ascertain these things for herself. They get 4 stars for effort, though - 5 when they have one of my stickers in their window!

Family's first day out - breastfeeding with ease in Greens Cafe, Eastbourne

2011-07-28T18:04:00.004+01:00

We made our first little day trip as a family yesterday, and although we were out for under 4 hours, it felt like a full day's work! Leaving the house beforehand went something like this:

Check train times (try to avoid rush hours)
Check weather forecast
Dress in clothes suitable for outdoor feeding
Pack bag. Contents: nappies, baby wipes, nappy rash cream, spare blankets, spare changes of clothes, thermometer, tissues, purse, emergency taxi money, breast pads, nipple cream, snacks, water bottle, umbrella, hand sanitiser, phone, camera, notepad and paper
Make and pack sandwiches
Change baby's nappy
Feed baby
Put baby in sling
Put shoes on while baby in sling (make mental note to put shoes on first in future)
Reassess time to leave house (missed train during shoe debacle)
Feed baby again
Change baby again
Sigh with relief; leave house.

We chose to visit the town of Eastbourne because it has a Mothercare and I needed to be fitted for new nursing bras. My experience of using Marks and Spencers' bra-fitting service- which seemed to rely heavily on guesswork- had resulted in purchasing a set of very uncomfortable, badly-fitted bras. My husband grew up in East Sussex so he knew where the Mothercare was in Eastbourne, but when we arrived we found that it had relocated across town to a location best accessed by vehicle. We tried the Debenhams instead to see if they offered a bra-fitting service, but they did not so we decided to grow straight to a cafe for lunch.

We chose Greens Cafe because it specialises in delicious veggie food and is only a short walk from the train station to the town centre. We found Greens to be spacious, clean, and sporting a few very comfortable padded seats with straight backs which are ideal for breastfeeding (feeding Arwyn on a soft armchair tends to give me backache). We made a beeline for them and placed our orders. As soon as we took Arwyn out of the sling, she woke up and demanded a nappy change. At a glance the cafe was clearly family-friendly, as it had games for children, crayons, colouring books, baby wipes, high chairs, and stocked ABC magazine. However, a quick trip to the toilet revealed a tiny room with no changing table - or space to improvise. I approached the owner and was directed to a (non-eatery) table we could use in the cafe, which we laid a blanket on to change Arwyn (note to self: get a fold-up changing mat) and which the owner promptly sprayed clean.

The lack of baby changing facilities was not ideal, and if the cafe had been busy we probably would have had to go elsewhere, which is when breastfeeding can become a disability of sorts, and formula feeding the easier option. There was also no sign that breastfeeding was welcome there (I aim to approach this issue in time- with stickers!). But the owner was flexible, and the food was affordable and nutritious, so I don't have any complaints. The cafe is certainly ideal for older children, but I'd say it was okay for us too. I was able to feed Arwyn- and myself!- with ease, and the three of us were satisfied when we left.. And, most importantly, well fed!

Well-fed family

After the following prompt and polite feedback from Greens Cafe, I have upgraded the cafe to 4 stars. Thank you for responding, Sandie!

Thanks for the review. Really glad you enjoyed your visit to Greens Cafe.
We did try to take down the dividing wall in the loo to make one large room with baby change and wheelchair access but unfortunately environmental health wouldnt let us unless me build a new lobby area. This was just too expensive, especially as we only have a short lease.
We would welcome a Breastfeeding-friendly sticker.
Sandie (Greens Cafe, 25 Seaside Road, Eastbourne) 01323 747815

My first stint 'in public', at a doctor's surgery. Not impressed!

2011-07-20T02:43:00.002+01:00

I had to take my 22 day old baby to my local GP surgery today for a general check up. I tried my best to time the visit (I know: ever the optimist!) so that Arwyn would not need feeding and changing while we were there. But the appointment ran 25 minutes late, and baby decided to need both before we'd even seen the GP, so I sprinted with the wailer to the reception desk afterwards to ask where the nearest breastfeeding facilities were- they were not strikingly obvious- only to find that there weren't any! In a newly designed and erected building of 4 floors, I found this hard to believe, but I decided not to air my surprise since the screaming babe in my arms seemed to be doing that for me already.

Would this encourage you to breastfeed in public?

I was directed to a little doorless booth at the back of the room, with a row of hard plastic chairs in it and windows to please the voyeurs, where I uncomfortably fed Arwyn for 20 minutes. Every time someone walked past to attend an appointment during this time, they tended to glance left and catch a glimpse of booby and me. There was nothing to read while in there, and not a single breastfeeding-friendly poster on display, such as I had got used to seeing during my stay in hospital. I stared blankly at the dull grey walls, and was grateful that I had packed a bottle of water. There were 2 information consoles in the room, which I'm guessing is what the room was actually for, and I hoped no one would come in to use them while I was feeding baby, not because I was embarrassed but because I was having to hold her awkwardly due to the uncomfortable chairs, and I didn't want this to be my advertisement for breastfeeding!

Considering the newness of this building, I'd give Station Plaza Health Centre 1 star, if it wasn't for the changing table in both the male and female restroom.

2 stars. Shame on you!

A magical place where breastfeeding is normal: Conquest Hospital!

2011-07-05T16:46:00.002+01:00

My baby girl Arwyn was born early, at 36 weeks. We had to stay in the Frank Shaw Ward of Conquest Hospital for a week while they kept a close eye on her, but she's a tough little bean and didn't have any serious problems. Arwyn took to the breast easily and has never looked back. I was over the moon when we were finally discharged- 7 days is a long time to spend in a curtained area in a noisy and artificially-lit ward with 3 other mothers and no hubby to take over nappy duty - but coming home was more overwhelming than I had anticipated. One of the things that felt like an immense and isolating responsibility was wanting to leave the house to get some fresh air and exercise, but knowing I'd have to feed Arwyn 'in public'. I worried about how I would feel if someone was to pass a negative comment about it, and practically what I would be able to do about it.

Although UK law states that 'Service providers must not discriminate, harass or victimise a woman because she is breastfeeding', there is no law to prevent members of the public from harassing a breastfeeding mother, and if a service provider does break the law then there is no way real of fighting the injustice besides actually taking him or her to court, which would be a lengthy and costly battle for any individual, let alone a new mum.

The thing that initially confused me about breastfeeding was the huge difference between feeding my baby in hospital, and having to feed her anywhere else. In hospital, I was surrounded by midwives full of advice and encouragement: they would not hesitate to reposition Arwyn on my breast to get her to latch on properly, or to squeeze my nipple into a helpful position for her little mouth. I recall one midwife, when assessing Arwyn's progress on the ward, exclaiming: 'Go mummamilk!' I was fully supported in my endeavour, and what's more is that it felt normal. The hospital displayed positive posters displaying facts about breastfeeding, and various photographs of real-life mums feeding their babies in different public places. People talked about it, and it made complete sense.

Happy baby

Then I came home. Determined not to be stuck indoors at home as I had been in hospital (I had had a fully natural birth with no tearing or stitches, so my physical recovery had been swift), I Googled breastfeeding-friendly cafes in Hastings. The NHS list was dire: short, and incomplete. The Roomz, a veggie cafe not far from my flat in St Leonards, seemed to be the only current venue on the list, though I saw no signs indicating its friendliness to milky mums when I investigated the window display. You may think that signs are unnecessary, but as a new and slightly daunted mum, a simple breastfeeding-friendly sticker would be a lifeline to me. A place to feed my baby! In public! Without fear of negative repercussions! Sadly I have yet to see any stickers on display in Hastings, or to locate where I might be able to get such stickers from.. My enquiries to various websites online have proved unfruitful. It looks like I will have to design my own.

Another online search shows various initiatives across the UK that aim to get service providers to sign up to the breastfeeding-friendly manifesto. However these seem to be instigated entirely by members of the public through breastfeeding groups, and there is little information available to mothers to ready them for the change from feeding their newborns in the hospital environment, to having to do it in the big, wide, stickerless world.

Why the blog? Victory whaaaa..??!

2011-06-21T23:10:00.002+01:00

Are you a parent or carer? Do you ever take care of your nephew/cousin/neighbour's toddler? Then this blog is here to empower YOU.

Remember the Dig for Victory campaign during WW2? Okay, you probably weren't around back then, but you've probably heard of the movement. It got people around the UK planting their own food, and going some way to being self-sufficient, when times were hard.

Well, times are hard now. For babies, I mean. Once upon a time, babies were fed breastmilk. All their basic nutritional requirements were fulfilled this way- and more*. If a mother couldn't nurse her own babe, or if she had better things to do, she paid for a wet nurse to fulfil the deed. Breast was not an option: breast was simply best.

Then along came formula milk companies, with aggressive marketing, blatant lies, and a powerful formula for depriving babies of their mother's milk. And for some time, we thought this was okay- that formula milk was just as good as the fresh stuff. No one pointed out that there was nothing wrong with breastmilk in the first place. And only after years of studies did professionals concede that formula milk is inadequate in many ways, and only an alternative to breastmilk, not a first choice for our tiny ones.

But I'm sorry to point out that we haven't come far since that realisation. We are not taught about the infinite superiority of breastmilk at school. We do not learn about it on television; no one shouts about it from the rooftop. Formula feeding has become a fair choice, and we do not want to accidentally argue against it by advocating breastfeeding too much.

Also, we're British. That makes us prudish, and immensely individualistic. We DON'T want to see breasts on display while eating Sunday roast in Wetherspoons; we DO want to see them on every billboard advertising anything from lingerie to washing machines. We DON'T want to be reminded that mammary glands are for feeding babies; we DO want to be reminded that breasts are sexy and desirable.

Or at least, some of us do, and their voices are heard more. But some of us don't. Some of us want to know where we can feed our babies without being harassed. We DO want to see breastfeeding-friendly stickers in cafe windows. We DO want to be able to go anywhere without worrying about where to stage the next feeding. We DON'T want to be ogled at while our tiny ones have a meal. We DO want to see breasts on billboards to campaign for breastfeeding awareness and accommodation; we DON'T want to only see them being used to sell anything from cigarettes to walk-in wardrobes.

So that would be why I'm a Mamma for Victory. And if you want to live in a society of happy, healthy, well-nourished kids, then so are you.

*See blog post Why I LOVE to Breastfeed

A bit about me

2011-06-21T20:25:00.007+01:00

7 months pregnant

Hi, and thanks for stopping by. I'm Zion. Welcome to my blog!

My baby is due soon and I'm planning to breastfeed, but I've been alarmed to find that few places in my hometown of Hastings, East Sussex advertise themselves as breastfeeding-friendly. There are no baby cafes listed for Hastings in Real Baby Milk's national database, no active local breastfeeding groups for me to sign up to, and the online NHS list of local breastfeeding-friendly places is out of date - it has Mothercare listed as an option, when the store actually closed down some years ago.

In light of this, I've started a local campaign to:
- organise breastfeeding groups to meet at welcoming venues
- encourage local cafes to sign up to Real Baby Milk's 'Breastfeeding Friendly Places' Directory
- maintain an online, public list of local cafes that agree to display breastfeeding symbol stickers, with information about how dedicated the venue is to welcoming breastfeeding mothers

Want to know what has motivated me to do this? Read my article, Is ‘Breast-Best’ Discussion Past its Best?, published by Juno magazine on June 20th, to find out why!